


Affection

by Iammissingautumn



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: Angst!, Bill kinda dates a girl, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, but I havent gotten that far yet, hypothetical hurt/comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:54:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27719177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iammissingautumn/pseuds/Iammissingautumn
Summary: Bill stops hanging out with Ted and it takes them down a rocky road in their relationship.
Relationships: Ted "Theodore" Logan/Bill S. Preston Esq.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	1. Boy, I'm looking for affection in all the wrong places

Bill wasn't exactly sure when he decided to stay away from Ted. He could pin it down to a certain week though. He remembered spending that week glued to Ted, which wasn't much different than usual but he just didn't want to be away from him, even for class. His dad was being worse than usual so he just... wanted to make sure he was okay. Because fuck that guy. So he skipped one or two classes, and then somewhere in spending every moment with this he got to staring. The first time he caught himself it was simple, just watching Ted and what he looked like in the light of day. How shadows moved on his face, the way his eyelashes closed, and especially the way his lips moved. 

He had been around his friend for a long time, it wasn't like any of this was new. But he was now focusing on these small things. The way his voice sounded, how he made gestures that sometimes felt like their own language, and how he smiled. 

If Bill was staring too much he made sure to swat at himself or tell himself to stop. It was fine to stare at a bro but it was different when he did it that much. He didn't want to make him, like, self conscious or anything. 

But he couldn't help how mesmerizing Ted was. Though, it was when Ted brought up babes one day that Bill actually thought about it. It was a simple conversation, nothing special. One before dinner in the garage as they vaguely messed around on guitars. A small "You've seen any girls you like recently? This pretty hot girl transferred here and wow she looks most kissable my dude." sent him into a small realization that set into instinct. 

Bill only vaguely knew where the conversation went after that. But he knew for sure that that was a turning point. By the next week, it was a much simpler case. Hang out with Ted when it was needed and bail when it wasn't. 

There was a girl he had talked to a bit during English, but he didn't decide to like her until the Monday after that conversation. Instead of Ted, he filled his time with a nice girl who almost made him feel like Ted did except he actually got to kiss her. And he did his best to stop staring, because despite what he told himself he definitely knew that the staring was more than what he liked to believe. 

But it was fine! He had a girl to kiss now! And she was sweet and almost as funny as Ted was. And he spent much less time with Ted. Simple excuses,  _ I've got homework. My dad and Missy want to hang out. Tots got detention, my dude. _ Kept coming up, though sometimes it was as simple as just saying he was busy or already made plans.

Despite being completely fine without Ted he hated the moments when he had to excuse himself. Ones where he had to say he was busy and couldn't make it out, would have to stop hangin' early. Cause Ted would slump down and pout a bit, and there was this genuine sadness in his eyes that always brought Bill on the brink of saying he could change his other plans, always made him want to stop being friends with the babe and be with his best friend again. Because he'd be lying to say he didn't miss the jokes and the games and the messing around. And he'd be lying to say he didn't miss him.

The thing about wanting to be around him more though, was that it made him be around him less. Because when he wasn't around him he had no reason to take his excuses back, no reason to let himself succumb to those feelings. He could be on top with a nice babe to be right there next to him! All he had to do was not think about it, which was sometimes easier said than done but that was fine. He had it on lockdown. Especially the staring.

Bill was determined to stay in control of his emotions and where they went and he was pretty sure he was doing a good job. At least, he was when he wasn't with Ted.


	2. You don't really look at me the way you used to

Ted didn't know what he did but he wanted to take it back. For him, it felt like an on and off switch. One moment him and his best bro were hanging out every day, playing mad jams, having the most vibeacious times, and the next Bill would barely look at him. It was like his best friend got turned around and forget they were best friends!!! Which felt most atrocious when he wanted to hang out and Bill would come up with another reason to not chill together. 

The first time was abnormal but not the most strange thing, them spending every minute together was a ridiculous idea. So him needing to catch up made sense! Bill had school and all of that, had a life outside of Ted. As all people did. 

But then it kept happening. And it wasn't not-not spending every minute with each other it was not spending any time together. It was once a day at school or just not really hanging out at all! 

So when he saw his bro mackin on a babe it wasn't the most outrageous thing he had ever seen. Nor was it surprising if he took the moment to think about it. Like of course his bro isn't gonna hang out with him if he's got a new hot babe to establish a relationship with. 

So he tried not to take it personally, it was just that he had a… girlfriend? Ted wasn't sure why but that word felt wrong. He was stickin' with Bill's babe. Bill had a babe and they were spending time with each other, no harm in that.

Despite knowing there was no harm in that. Despite knowing that high school couples just do this. It still kinda hurt. But only the most tiny of bits. He missed his bro!! No crime in that. It just also meant that he was most down in the dumps. 

He tried to enjoy the moments he had, didn't bring up the whole babe thing anymore. Just tried to enjoy his time with him. Which he was missing more and more by the day as it became shorter and shorter. 

It was hard to miss his bro. And it was crushing by the time the next week came around. 

Nothing seemed to change as time continued, Bill avoided him and hung out with the girl he didn't mention and Ted found himself with more and more free time where he just ended up missing Bill. 

He missed their jam sessions, making music and messing around in the garage as they planned their master future. Yet that future he planned to spend with Bill seemed farther away with each hour. Like they would never reach that fame and fortune and happiness together. But this time there was no help from time travel or a nice guide. He was starkly alone and it was most atrocious. 

What made it feel worse was that he didn't know how to approach it. Bill seemed happy, whenever he saw him he was smiling and he was still nice to him. He still made the same jokes and all of that, at most he was a bit distant but that was only a bit weird. 

Even if he did approach it he knows he'd be a mess. Get all sentimental and gushy and he super cared his bro but he didn't need to be like that to him. To go all out with that stuff. And it wasn't terrible yet, he could stand the way it kinda hurt seeing him so happy from afar. They'd go back to normal. He just needed to wait it out! Or wait till the opportunity to talk all serious came up. Just not yet. 

Bill felt miles away yet he couldn't find the fastest way to keep up. He wasn't calling Ted for study nights, or band sesh's or milkshakes, or anything. If he didn't know better he'd say this wasn't the friend he knew but he knew every bit of Bill. He knew the curls on his head, the dimples on his cheeks, and the birthmark on his arm. He knew how he talked and how he made him feel and he would know if that wasn't Bill. But it was.

And that almost hurt more.


	3. I'm only seventeen, I don't know anything but I know I miss you.

It was a weird night when Ted confronted Bill. It was weeks into their weird kind of time. This was probably the most they hung out since the switch flipped and Ted couldn't help but enjoy it. They were drinking some beers that night out in the garage, laughing over some story one of them told. But all Ted could focus on was the way Bill's eyes lingered on him for moments after the laughter died before they continued and how he seemed so happy. Yet he would still leave. 

This was one of those exception days. It's one of those times in which he was letting himself indulge. It wasn't like it was gonna be something every day like it was before. It was fine, it was bad to feel how he did when it would ruin their relationship but it was worse to hurt Ted. 

Ted actually did the best he could to keep the conversation going, keeping things rolling so that eventual lull where Bill would say he had to leave wouldn't have to come. Yet even when one came there were just silent smiles and warmth that filled his body. These were the good moments, the ones where he didn't have to worry. He could just lay his head on his arm and stare at Bill for a bit as he tried to find what to say. 

But he wasn't good at thinking and the drinking made everything a bit more smooshed together. So when he asked. "Bill, why do you hate me now?" He hadn't meant to, he didn't even really think Bill hated him. But he still asked. 

The question wasn't something Bill was expecting. And he couldn't find the words, how could anyone respond to that. Ted was his best friend, and he thought… 

"I don't hate ya, Ted." Bill attempted because he had to set that straight. It was a sobering conversation, one he wanted to be able to sit straight up and plan his responses to. But he couldn't, he was going into overdrive as he tried to figure out how to navigate this conversation. One he never thought he'd have. 

"Then why do you… why'd you leave?" 

"I'm right here, Ted."

"But you just… don't seem like you like me anymore bro. You stopped hanging out with me and you don't talk to me and it's just like you left bro. It's most heinous, dude." Ted told, burying his face into the crook of his arm. He didn't like how talking about it made him feel like he was tearing himself up. Made him wanna cry, and he didn't want to deal with that. 

"Dude it's, it's nothing. I'm still here. We still talk, right? That's why I'm here tonight bro. I can't make it sometimes. But that's just because of school and family, I swear bro." 

"Ya know, you could have told me you got a babe dude. You don't gotta hide it or anything."

"Oh." There was a long pause. "She, she's nothing dude. We just hang out a bit."

"Okay but you've never cared about school or family much and if it's not school then just…" Ted tried to find the words as he looked over to Bill again, but it just made it hurt more. "What did I do?" 

There was so much that Ted did. He was so funny he made him laugh till his sides hurt. He looked at him like he was the most exciting thing in the world. Ted was always there for him and helped them have the best sleepovers and helped him with school. And he made him so happy. Made him feel things he couldn't describe. And despite the happiness that it brought, he just knew it was bad. 

"Why do you care so much!? We're still friends dude! I'm still here." Bill stood up, taking a few steps back from the chair. Which made Ted turn to him in his seat. It just… it didn't exactly make him mad but it was frustrating how much he didn't get it.

"Because you're my bro!" Ted told, standing up from his stool. Hoping Bill would stop running away for just long enough for him to figure out how to fix this. 

"That's what I'm saying, if we're just bros then why does it matter so much!"

"Because you're like… you're my world bro! You make me happy and you make it easier to want to keep going despite my stupid fucking dad and being around you makes me feel like I'm connected to some kind of battery because I get all jittery and feel so alive and that's all, you dude. It's just you who does that. You make me feel better than any beautiful babe. You look nice and are funny and so much dude. You make me feel so much." Ted pretends he doesn't feel the tears streaming down his face, he pretends he doesn't hate how they're raising their voices and he hopes to all god that no one hears this. Because he barely wants Bill to hear it nor does he even know how to say whatever he is saying. 

The silence that follows feels almost piercing. Especially when Bill starts looking down and doesn't look at him for what feels like forever. And Ted hates to think he fucked this up. Because made that stuff wasn't just bro stuff and Bill didn't like it. And maybe that's what he did. Maybe he was taking it farther than bro stuff and that's why he was backing away now. But he didn't know how to stop it.

"Bill…" Ted tried, taking a few steps closer. And it was only then that he realized that Bill was crying, like actually crying. Which made him immediately switch gears. 

Ted moved over to him, forgetting himself as he wrapped his arms around Bill. It was an age old thing, comforting his best friend. And it wasn't like they hadn't hugged before, it just was awhile ago. Probably a bit before Bill stopped. But he wanted to keep his friend happy, to fix it.

"Hey, no. It's okay, I'll take it back if you want, you don't gotta worry about it, come on." Ted attempted to find the solutions, he wasn't sure what would fix this but he hated the idea he made his friend upset. Which, of course, he did. He wouldn't have said it how he did if he hadn't.

Ted's words were meant with silence, but despite that, Bill was thinking the most he had in weeks. It was a hopeless battle of knowing Ted felt the same way he did and holding that to everything else. 

"No, I just… I feel the same way I swear. I just…" 

The words fell from his mouth and he couldn't figure out how to explain it. Because they both often needed things spelled out to them, but unlike Ted, he'd been worrying about this for much longer and it was on the forefront of his mind. 

"That's how people treat their girlfriends, dude."

To say that Ted was prepared to be told that his feelings were romantic would be a complete and utter lie. It made him stiffen up, and let go of Bill. It was just… surprising. So he stood there for a moment, before cupping Bill's cheeks with his hands and making him look up to him. 

"Well, we can do that."

Now that wasn't what Bill expected. He expected maybe anything other than that. He didn't know they were even allowed to do that. It was like a rule they couldn't, right?

"My dad always said that boy only get to be with girls… but like, dude back when I got in trouble a few weeks back you said- you said 'Your dad and those people don't know shit and he shouldn't stop us from doing anything. Especially starting a band together. They aren't allowed to stop us from doing our dreams.' And… I also think they shouldn't stop us from being us. And if being us means… treating each other like girlfriends. Then we shouldn't change." Shoving these words out was hard because he wanted to get Bill to understand something he didn't currently get. And they both weren't the best at understanding what they were being told at the best of times so he was trying to be clear as he let his hands fall back to his side.

"So… you think it's… okay? For us to be…" Bill asked, and he was just looking at Ted, now a step or so back, with slightly red eyes because just a minute ago he thought despite how they felt they could never really get what they wanted and would have to break their relationship apart because of it. But Ted was proposing something entirely new. "Like, gay?" 

"I mean, I'm not gay I still like girls, ya know?" Ted attempted, but it was meant with another silence, more awkward than before. Because… he never liked anyone like he liked Ted. "Bill?"

There was a hesitant shake of the head, and suddenly stuff made a lot less sense. "What about that girl you've been with?"

"Well… I just kissed her because we went on a date and that's what you're supposed to do on dates and I just needed…" Bill didn't want to say that he needed a distraction. It was the truth, and honestly, she was a quite good person. A nice girl who was kind to him and smelled nice and to him, that's all you needed in a girl. But she had said she didn't want them to be called boyfriend girlfriend and Bill had easily agreed to that. "Just wanted another friend, yeah?"

Ted nodded, seeming almost satisfied. But then he brought his finger up in an almost stop. "Why were you crying earlier?" 

"Oh, I dunno. Just uh….. felt bad and it made my eyes leak. Ya know? It just feels most heinous to know I hurt your feelings and I didn't… I thought the whole 'don't like dudes' thing was a rule and I would have to stop being friends with you because of that. But, it's not! So the waterworks are most fastened, my dude." Bill didn't really get why he got so emotional, he had just shrugged before he explained and was almost okay with keeping it at that.

Ted nodded, turning and looking around the room for a bit with no real goal in mind. But then he remembered what they had been saying and turned back to Bill, now seeing him from a bit apart and not so up close. He liked being able to look at Bill without worrying.

"So does that make us girlfriends?"

Bill stopped for a moment, nodding as he thought it over. And then nodding quicker. "Yeah, yeah- I mean… if you wanna be girlfriends then yeah I think that would be cool."

"Y-yeah dude. I think I'd be really happy with you being my girlfriend but… you should like… deal with your friend so that she knows that we have the most spectacular set up." 

Bill nodded once more, figuring he'd talk to her during school sometime or something. The idea that he was able to be okay with Ted again was nice. Though he felt stupid for causing a ruckus over nothing. 

"Oh hell yeah, we're gonna be great girlfriends dude!" Bill told, holding his hand up for Ted. And after the most spectacular high five they fell into their almost usual way of being, starting with a joke about their beer, following to their music, and into other conversations. And it wasn't till after Bill pushed and pushed how long he could stay over decided he had to stay goodbye. 

This was much different than the other spats they had, no one was arguing over what band member was better in Led Zeppelin nor was it over what cereal was better. It was something that put more than a few hours distance between them which was different than anything, at most they were "mad" at each other for a day or so. But before it was stupid stuff, they always liked each other too much to stay away long. 

And the same went for now, except Bill had been trying to resist the urge to stick close to his best friend. But it was useless because he became a magnet around Ted. And he always came back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my favorite thing Ive ever did pacing and tone wise but ya know what. Sometimes two himbos love each other and Im bad at rewriting it so I just have to post it. 
> 
> Might do another chapter for fluff but I! Am not sure.


End file.
